There, I said it. Admitting you have a problem is the first step towards beating it, right? Now I just have two more steps: kicking its butt, and celebrating its demise with a refreshing can of shasta.
It's not that I'm depressed, I've just been kind of moody lately. It all started a couple days ago when I went to the theater and, what the heck?! there was this HUUUUGE line. People were camping out, waiting to buy tickets. So okay, I wait too. Thirty-four hours later I get to the ticket counter and guess what, Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer isn't even playing at this theater!!! Every single screen is showing Harry Potter and the Itchy Sweater, or whatever it's called. (hate those movies) So, of course I'm more than ticked off and I just can't wait for all these people to leave so I can come back and TOILET PAPER THE WHOLE PLACE! HA!
Then, I take all the kids to the park and this lady comes up to me and looking at Lil'ollie says, "awe look at those cheeks, I just love them! SQUEAL!" (yes, she actually shouted the word squeal)
I just smile and say, "Then why don't you MARRY THEMMMM!!!"
Then I tried to throw a handful of grass at her, but it was windy and it all just came flying back in my face. But I don't even care because I like grass, so whatever.
I thought going to church would cool me down but things just got worse. I guess I don't really like people pointing out the chubbiness of my children, because another lady came up to Oliver and me, poked his tummy and said "Oh Mary, you must be feeding him pure cream."
After I fake smiled at her I told her, "No, not cream, just bottles full of bacon grease."
Then I grabbed the hymn book and... started singing The Battle Hymn of the Republic.
I've been extra lazy these days too. Yesterday I was upstairs lying on the floor, watching the kids fold my laundry, when I realized I was kind of hungry but I didn't want to go downstairs (that's where we keep the food). So I looked down at my chest and wondered if I could sustain myself for the rest of my life on breast milk alone. Why hadn't I thought of it before? When I'm hungry I drink the nutrient-rich milk thus making more and more milk, forever. Awesome! But I couldn't reach, so I ate a couple fingernails instead.
And when I finally did make it downstairs I discovered my laziness knows no bounds. You see, we're in the process of buying a house, we're actually signing the closing papers tomorrow, but I'm not too thrilled about all the work that needs to get done. So, as I was cutting into a crescent roll I thought to myself, if I just cut my hand a little bit I won't have to help with the move, a little pain is worth not having to do any of the work right?
Wrong, I decided.
I didn't do it.
Mostly because I was still really hungry and didn't want to get blood on my roll. Breast milk and fingernails are okay, but blood?
Disgusting!
Sorry to offend any vampires or vampire lovers out there... wait I'm not sorry, you all disgust me! Shame on you!
Twilight's dumb.
the end
P.S.
I know!
Adorable.
It's almost one in the morning and I'm pretty sleepy, but all I wanna do is wake him up and play.
It's almost one in the morning and I'm pretty sleepy, but all I wanna do is wake him up and play.
31 comments. For every comment received:
Uhm, his cheeks are delicious and he does look like he's been eating pure cream.
SO THERE.
p.s. I'm on happy pills for my post partum D and I am really glad I am using them this time. So if things really are bad, I recommend PILLS!
Oh how I miss you when you take long breaks. Oliver is very cute! Congrats.
p.s. I also got on pills for post partum, that was 7.5 years ago, they still work great!
He is darling---I'm sorry you haven't been feeling great, but I hope just looking at those pictures makes you feel a little better:)
It might be postpartum, and if it is it's good that you're admitting it. But.. it also might be that there comes a time in every mom's life where you just kind of get overwhelmed. Congratulations for making it to three kids. I started to lose my schmidt at one and a puppy. The best advice I can give you is to go read a blog called Rants from Mommyland. It makes me feel so much better.
Sorry about the baby blue's, hope they go away soon! He is adorable just like your other kids :)
there's nothing i love more than a big fat gushy baby. reminds me of the pork loin. can't believe he's all thinned out now, you know his thin frame of 40lbs at 3 years old is just not gushy enough for me now.
What a doll baby!
And it's so much fun to see you back, Mary. I always miss your breaks.
Take care of yourself! (Whether you are teasing about the PPD or not.)
Hugs,
=)
I just must say that even though I really was only ever trying to find out what had become of my old pal Angela, I am ever so happy I did come across her sister's blog because I don't know that I think most people are that funny, but I do think every word you type is the funniest and best thing I've ever read. And, those pictures of your little bacon grease eater were good to see because I am about to have baby 6 and have been thinking grumpy thoughts like, "Life is too hard and stinks with a newborn." But seeing those cute pics reminded me that even if somem parts stink, there is a cute little person who you fall madly in love with involved in in all. Though, I admit it might be a long shot hoping for one as cute as that little man you have.
I'm jealous of women who make pure cream. I seem to produce only skim, and end up having to supplement with formula to keep my babies from starving. It sucks (so to speak).
Dissing Twilight is one thing, but hating Harry Potter is practically sacreligious. Am I really spelling sacrilegious wrong, or is Firefox stupid? Oh, I'm the stupid one. I should have known. Now I'm going to have to show off my new spelling smarts by taking great care to pronounce it sacrileeegious. Whenever it, you know, comes up in casual conversation. Which can be a lot, with a little extra effort.
I got the "feeding them cream" thing like 17 times a day when my kids were super fat babies. But no one ever told me that you shouldn't supplement breast milk with spoonfuls of Crisco.
Those photographs are excellent. You make extra-pretty babies.
Oh, yes, ADORABLE!! Thanks for sharing.
I never know what to say to the "pure cream" comment..."yep, would you like some too?" Hehe. Whatever.
I'm with you--people suck!
You, though, Miss Mary, do not, and I agree that your babies are beautiful like their mother. (Your "I just had my third kid picture" is proof.) If you need help getting out of moving, let me know! I'll introduce you to the sick jar my sister always used before we even started packing.
Dear Mary,
You are obviously in the advanced stages of being awesomely funny. There are pills for that. But they are illegal, you can only get them in New Jersey from a certain street performer, and you need a prescription from your bishop.
I don't care what you say. I think it is straight cream.
WOAH! And I thought my baby is cute!!! He is adorable and wonderful!!!!
Yay!! I'm so glad he's here and healthy and that you're all doing well. You have one adorable little family!
Even though I think that my baby is the cutest baby in the whole wide world, your baby definitely comes in second. Don't you just get overwhelmed with the cuteness sometimes?
That is one seriously cute little baby!
Do you just sit around and slurp on his cheeks all day long?
After my third, I dealt with the PPD by dropping the oldest off at preschool, driving around until the other two were asleep, then hitting the drive through at A&W for a bacon cheeseburger and root beer float.
Three days a week.
I will not tell you how much weight I gained that year.
Yep, he is another butterball. Soft and cuddly as can be.
Just like his Mom was. Look how perfect she turned out!
Yep, you are still funny. The baby didn't end all that. And now you know.
It's sad, because I CAN reach to drink my breast milk because my boobs hang to my knees these days. LOOOOOOOOOVE that baby full of bacon grease, he is YUMMY!
As a mother of a fat baby (currently a skinny big headed toddler), I congratulate you. May he grow up to replace the fat with large amounts of personality, like his mama!
Oliver is absolutely divine! Such cute pictures. I love reading your blog, you are so creative and hilarious.
You really do have adorable kids. This post reminds me of the time my brother and his wife (who is American-Korean) and their baby (with the obligatory chubby cheeks, thighs, et al) were waiting at the back door of a building on the BYU campus to turn in a later paper to I don't know who when who should come out the door but Pres. Monson and his wife who proceeded to pinch my nephew's thighs and call him a "darling little Buddha". Fun stuff.
hhahahaa, I love you and I don't even know you. sorry.
I know I've been missing from the blogosphere basically, but I just wanted to say that your baby is so adorable and cute that I want to eat it. You know in that non-creepy, it's-just-so-cute-I-must-ingest-it kind of way? Right.....? Maybe it's my own pregnancy hormones talking?
But seriously, chubby babies are the best. I hope you are doing well! Your blog was one of my husband's favorite when I made him pay attention to my on-line friends.
yaaay for pure awesomeness!! those pictures of your kids are perfect. and I really could picture you laying on your floor pondering what to eat. lol. I miss you Mary! I want to call you the next time we're up north and come visit you in your new house!! That is, assuming you guys bought your house up there...
Hey Mary, you are hilarious. I love this blog. And congrats on Ollie. If your milk can sustain Ollie like you say it does, then yeah, maybe you ought to experiment with this perpetual nourishment theory. I think it's sound.
We miss you guys up north. Meici's so BIG now.
I love him. I love your other two too, but I'm drooling over those pictures. No, not because I want to eat him! Ok, but I am a little hungry. Both for food and for babies. And as for the post partum thing, It's no fun. Make sure your hubs understands that you feel better if you vent about every. tiny. little. thing. And not to freak out if you cry a bunch. Cause I did. I hope things are better now.
Making chubby babies is about the only thing I am good at. OWN IT PROUDLY!!!
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