So grateful for modern medicine today!
I've been feeling really sick and tired lately. My stomach is getting bigger and I swear there's something moving around in there.
So I went to my team of doctors to see if they could figure out what's wrong with me. They all agreed that I must be on the tapeworm diet, because they all had cousins with the same symptoms and they were all on the diet.
I told them that I had, of course, thought about using a weight loss worm but I could never actually go through with it. I have trouble enough swallowing regular worms let alone tapeworms.
So that couldn't have been the problem.
My doctors were stumped and told me that maybe I should consult a real doctor because they wanted to get back to their soccer game and that when I see the doctor he's probably going to want to be paid with real money and not a bunch of broken crayons like I had given them.
I was a little confused.
I looked down into my purse and saw that it was filled with broken crayons. What happened to all that cash I could have sworn was there a second ago.
Then I looked around me and realized that these "doctors" were a bunch of kids wearing white soccer jerseys playing on a field.
Add hallucinating to my list of symptoms.
So today I went to a real doctor and after a little pee test I was diagnosed with pregnancy.
"Congratulations you're pregnant!" the doctor said.
"You're with child."
"No, I'm pretty sure I left the kids home."
"You've got a bun in the oven."
"You've got a freaking baby growing in you!"
"Huh? What kind of baby? Like a Baby Ruth, because I hate those."
"YOU IDIOT, YOU'RE PREGGO!!!"
"Ohhh.... you mean preggers. Why didn't you say so in the first place?
Turns out there's a little baby inside me, the boy kind of baby!!!
Due to arrive April 2, 2011.
Crossing my fingers he'll be a day early!
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