Yeah, that one, I definitely should have sent that one off to five different friends.
Sorry, Evan it's all my fault!
Evan has been in kindergarten for about a month and a half now and things couldn't be better... academically.
Academically, Evan is a genius.
But too bad that's not was school is all about. School is about friends and recess and silly bands, all things Evan knows nothing about.
I went to parent teacher conference and was so proud of my little boy while his teacher was telling me how smart he is.
Then she talked to me about his social skills: he doesn't interact with any of the other kids, he only talks during one-on-one time with the teacher, and (this part made me cry) at recess he wanders around the playground all alone, talking to himself.
I can't say I was surprised.
I knew Evan wouldn't be as outgoing as the other kids; he's been incredibly shy his entire life. But he is the sweetest little boy I've ever known. And thinking of him being so lonely at school just breaks my heart.
Oh and school is ALL DAY!
Kindergarten is 7 whole hours long at our school, that's just nuts!
Poor kid.
I don't really know what to do. I want him to enjoy school and make friends and get invited to birthday parties. But so far his favorite part of school is lunch. When I ask him how school was each day the only thing he tells me is what he ate for lunch, and then makes me feel his muscles.
Hopefully things will get better, I don't really know what to do. How do you make a kid be friendly?
Maybe he just doesn't want any friends because he already has the perfect friend in Meici.
(Yes Evan attends Wayside School, thus the sideways stories.)
She's so sweet and prays for Evan every night. She also prays that all the little babies in the world will only eat tiny food and and not big food.
When I was a kid I used to pray that no bright glowing angels would appear to me while I was trying to fall asleep at night.
And they never did.
God answers prayers!
31 comments. For every comment received:
That's so hard. I also worry about my son at school, because I've been told that he just sits and stares. Maybe there should be a school for misfit boys....
That is difficult. Could maybe the teacher ask one of the more outgoing kids to maybe ask Evan to come and play with them? See if that could get the ball rolling? What about maybe setting up some play dates with some of the kids in his class.
My oldest has autism and struggles in the social arena so I know it's difficult.
And, oh my, poor Meici. She is too cute with the tears streaming down her face. What a sweetheart.
This sounds familiar. We should get Evan and Max together for a playdate, then they could play in the same room without interacting with each other.
Sorry to hear about Evan... Hopefully he will find a pal at school.
Oh, this made me cry. I can't bare to think of any kid being scared or sad or left out ever. The other day when I took my kids to school a wee bit late, a little girl was standing outside crying because she'd ridden her bike to school and didn't know where she was supposed to put it. We hurried and helped her, but it still made me start to cry after. I don't even know you guys (well, besides knowing you are Angela's sister -- as I mentioned once), but I know enough about heart ache over any pain my kids ever feel that I totally just sent a prayer up for Evan -- even that he can just find one little buddy to play with at recess. Every time anything like this is going on with my kids I just get furious that there has to be this whole school/fitting in/feeling awkward business -- it really doesn't seem like it should be some right of passage. Then I just want to pull my kids right out and homeschool them . . . of course then I worry it will make them more socially awkward . . . but, who knows, maybe not. Maybe they'd just pass over this whole "do you fit in" crud and develop into perfect little members of society. Sorry! There. Another prayer right now. AND, I know that kidnapping his one true friend won't help anything, but I'm very tempted to come steal your daughter. Holy smokes, could anything be more heart wrenching and cute and sweet than her crying for her brother in that video. At least you know that he will always have a little haven at home.
My oldest is in 1st grade and is doing MUCH better than in Kindergarten. He didn't have many friends so outside of school we put him in a soccer league which helped him immensely with socializing and teamwork.
That video of Meici is the Sweetest thing ever!
Two words: play dates! Invite them over, one at a time. Once they're in your house, with mom making sure they have a good time, they will think of Evan a a buddy.
And make sure to have a really fun birthday or Halloween or whatever party. And bring cupcakes to school for his birthday, too.
It really does help the shy ones fit in faster. And so does making friends with the moms, who will then likely have your son over for a play date. So volunteering at the school a bit is good, too.
But poor little Meici. I love how she misses him so much! And I hate how sad she feels about it. =(
Hang in, Mary. It'll all work out in the end. One of mine was painfully shy, but the above remedies worked out fine. And Meici will adjust, too.
=)
He looks so darling! Poor kid. What about having him invite one or two kids over to play? Maybe if he does something with them at home, then he'll be able to be friends at school?
Thanks everyone, for all the advice and empathy.
Why didn't I blog about this sooner?
First, don't sweat it! He will make friends on his terms in his time. My son is the same. But, he takes his time and chooses one good friend. This happens every time we go to a new school. EVERY TIME. Every teacher has expressed worry that my sweet little boy doesn't make friends. He does, on HIS terms. It's totally ok. Encourage him to be friendly, to smile, to invite others to play. And then, just let nature take it's course.
Aah, that video broke my heart. Sweet Meici. And I'm sure Evan will find someone cool to hang out with. I mean, I did, so Evan yiding will. ;)
I have a son who has always been like that. He's 11 now. He hasn't been invited to a birthday party in years. But every time I try to line up a friend for him to hang out with he declines. I have accepted the fact that he's just a loner. He's not a good student either, so at least Evan has that going for him.
I already ate a donut today, so you didn't have to. YOU'RE WELCOME.
Do you volunteer in his classroom? Sometimes that helps because then they know Evan's Mom, and therefore know who Evan is. Helping with the holiday parties is great because you're in charge of something fun and he gets special recognition.
Plus, you can handpick a playmate for him from the kids in the class and invite them over to play. He only needs one friend, really.
That video broke my heart, Mary. It's so sweet how Meici misses her brother. I hope things work out with Evan. Some kids (like two of my three brothers, for instance) just prefer to keep to themselves. But things will improve, just hang in there. :)
Awww, it is so hard watching our kids struggle! He will find the perfect friend, it takes time. We have had good years and bad years, but I'd rather my friends wander alone then have them be friends with a meanie. I have had that happen too, and it is not fun!
ohh! Evan can come to Ha Jyn's b-day parties!! Poor guy!
I hope things soon get easier for both Evan and Meici. I wouldn't worry too much unless Evan is really complaining about going to school.
Oh my goodness, that video made ME cry. How sweet is she?
Is there anyone he might like to invite over for a playdate or something? Is he really lonely? Does he care? He might just kind of like to be on his own, but if not, I totally understand your feelings of wanting to "fix it." So heartbreaking to see our kids struggle, isn't it?
Come play at our house! We moved to Utah, you know. :)
My daughter doesn't make friends at school very well either. So last year I made this HUGE deal about throwing her a princess tea party even when it wasn't her birthday. And we invited all the girls in her class and decorated our house and planned things meticulously. And then one girl showed up. So I think our lameness in the category of friends is a family problem. Therefore I have no good advice.
I'm just hormotional or something because I wanted to cry right along with Meici, that was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sad!!! My 2nd cries every day when her older sis goes to school too. I hope Evan is able to make friends soon! Teaching kids, some just take a little longer to warm up to others so hopefully he'll find a friend!
Watching Meici cry for him and THEN imagining him at school wandering around the playground on his own? My goodness. Doesn't this job break your hear sometimes? You have lots of good advice here. It's still early in the year, so try not to worry too much. Still, it's so hard! But then your heart might also burst at the sweetness of those kids, too, so whatever the cause, our hearts are really in danger, aren't they?
I just wanted to add my "awwww" to all the others that have been said. you have such adorable kids who love each other so much (I think you're "Evan is the best" song you had Meici sing helped with that).
I was a lot like Evan growing up, playing by myself, talking to myself. But the games I made up were so awesome, and I had a good time! I eventually made friends, but it took time, like your other commenters mentioned.
I moved about every year and a half so I was really shy and took a long time making friends. My brother was worse. He was usually by himself. It made me sad. We were usually on different recess schedules so I couldn't even play with him. I usually had the bully notice me before the nice kids did. The bully's didn't really notice my brother, which is good, because as a big sister, you'd rather be the one picked on. My brother is actually still a loner and I have a husband with 2 professions where he is high enough on the totem pole that I have to force my self not to be. I wonder if you can make some play dates with some kids his age? Sometimes some kids just like to be alone and feel fine. This makes me sad, though. I still feel the sadness I felt and I'm 44 years old now with 2 kids out of high school and one with 2 years left. And a granddaughter to worry about now.
what a sweet sister! i love that she loves him that much- hopefully they will stay best friends :) i wouldn't worry about your little boy. kids go through phases... he could be super 'popular' next year or in a few. i like the suggestions of hosting a play date.
One on one play dates can help establish him a friend. I hope it works out. It just breaks my heart to think about it.
Oh, what a sweetheart he is! Is anyone in your neighborhood or ward in his class? Maybe some playdates would help? The most important thing is if he's happy. My son is in kindergarten too and I always worry about how he's fitting in.
I've missed reading your blog! After it got deleted and then you moved to China(??) I didn't know you'd started blogging again. I'll be back!
Talking Carl. Maybe he would like talking Carl. Mine does.
Poor little Evan! He will find a best-friend and totally appreciate every minute when they see each other:)
*My prayers are for people to find friends in this world. We'd all be much happier...especially us moms!
aw!! so sweet, Miss Meice misser her brother so much!
Sorry he's having a tough time making friends. I don't even know what to tell you. It's definitely a hard spot. Like you said, He answers prayers, so just keep praying.
My oldest son was socially immature all the way through elementary school. At one point he was going to a little "social skills" class conducted by the school psychologist. (yikes!) She commented to me that some people make friends with many people, while other people--like my son and maybe yours--wait to find just the right person and become very close.
My son is now 15 and has grown out of his awkwardness and has a perfectly fine social life in high school.
I think you should do all the things everyone has mentioned with play dates etc., but you should also let it be okay for you son to be his own quirky self.
Hey Mary,
We went to wabi sabi. My brother and his wife have gone a couple of times, too. Here is my husband's official review of the Kobe beef slider ;)
http://www.burgervoice.com/wabisabi-wagyu-beef-slider-burgers-review/
I hope kindergarten gets better for Evan! He sounds like a sweet kid.
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