I SWEAR, I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THOSE UNDERPANTS CAME FROM!!!

I awoke this morning to my usual good-bye kiss from my husband, and also to a most unusual question, "Whose underwear is in the bathroom?"
ME: Huh? What? I don't know, good bye, have a good day.
Z: Whose underwear is that in the bathroom?
ME: Love you too, bye honey. (it was eight something in the morning and I still needed a good four more hours of sleep)
Z: I found some guys underwear under the bathroom sink, whose is it?"
ME still very sleepy: No, I don't think Evan wet the bed last night. Bye.
Z: Whose underwear is it?
ME: What? I don't know what you're talking about.

Z leaves to go get said underwear.

Z holding a pair of men's panties: I found this under the sink.


The first thing I thought when I saw the underwear was, holy crap there's a man in our home... and he's naked.
Then I thought maybe there's an underwear fairy that leaves underwear under the sink if you've been good and haven't wet the bed in twenty years.

Our conversation goes on for a while, mostly with me swearing I have no idea whose underwear it is or how it got there and him covering his face with his hands and shaking his head.

I tell him he has no reason not to trust me, he knows I would never cheat on him, especially with a guy who wears tighty wighties, and that the underpants are as big a mystery to me as they are to him.

He leaves to finish getting ready for work and I try to fall back to sleep, but I can't because there could be some strange man in our house or possibly a fairy.

Then I think, maybe the underwear was wadded up and stuck between some pipes under the sink and just fell down.

I get up to go check.

I was right, because look, there's more up there.

This place did have to get decontaminated before we moved in because it used to be a meth lab, so I know the people that lived here before were probably high all the time and maybe thought under the sink was the very best place to store their undies.

Or maybe the maintenance man gets good deals on fruit of the loom and uses that instead of pipes.

After this all got cleared up, I asked Z if he honestly thought I was cheating on him. He told me he knew I was telling the truth and just wanted to see how I'd react to all the accusations... yeah right.

So I asked him where he thought the underwear came from. He thought they belonged to my brother. He and his family just returned from a trip to Japan and we let them borrow our suitcases. He thought maybe my brother left a pair of underwear in the suitcase and I found it and thought it was so gross so I started running around the house holding it and shouting "EW! BROTHER-UNDIES! BROTHER-UNDIES!" and then just threw it under the sink.

I'm not going to remove the other underwear that's still stuck up there. I'll leave it for the next couple that moves in after us. Because every marriage deserves a little mysterious underwear party.