I can see myself in my daughter more and more each day.
Like today, for instance, Meici's cousin came over to play and was trying to teach her a bunch of Hannah Montana songs and how to pose like a model.
Meici just didn't get it.
Meici's cousin would say "like this, Meici!" and then strike a pose.
And then Meici would just stick out her tummy and shout "Care Bears STARE!!!"
When I was about 10 years old I went to a friend's birthday party and realized I was different from all the other girls. As my friend was opening her presents I became extremely nervous and embarrassed. All the other girls had given her stuff like, make-up kits, nail polish, cute purses and mini backpacks, and jewelry. When it came to my turn I wanted to die! First of all my gift wasn't wrapped in cute pink birthday paper like everyone elses, it was wrapped in Christmas paper (the only wrapping paper my parents ever bought) and this party was in the summer. Second, my gift was a puzzle. A puzzle. A 500 piece puzzle of some cottage in the woods. Some of the girls snickered and rolled their eyes when they saw it but the birthday girl was so sweet and thanked me for the gift. It was pretty embarrassing.
It just went downhill from there.
And I blame it all on my mother.
She kind of made me feel like all things girly were the devil!
When I was a kid I took hulu dance classes, and one night right before a recital my friend's mom was putting lipstick on her daughter and then she came over and put some on me. I was terrified. I kept thinking I'm so glad my mom's not coming to this recital because she would kill me if she saw me wearing lipstick.
Or sometimes I'd go to a friends house and they'd be doing their nails and I would just paint my toenails and then wear socks when I got home so my mom wouldn't find out.
She never let me get my ears pierced (they're still not) and made me feel like anyone who did was a bad person.
And I remember shopping for my first bra, with just my dad and three of my brothers. I was so scared and confused and they just told me to go hurry and get one. I had no idea what I was doing; where was my mom? It was like she was against bras too.
Okay so I don't think she was really against all this stuff and thought it was bad, I just got that impression from her.
She just wasn't into that kind of stuff, and therefore didn't teach me about it.
And now Meici and I are going through the same cycle.
I still don't wear any make-up, or paint my nails, or do my hair, or wear clothes that match, or wear clothes that even belong to me.
This is what I looked like today:
Everything you see belongs to my husband.
I just hope Meici doesn't see this lack of caring about my appearance and take it the wrong way. I don't want her to think looking nice is evil.
I am doing a little better though, the other day I bought chapstick that was tinted pink! And I made that picture of me really small because I guess I really do care what other people think.
I'm just really glad Meici has an older cousin who will guide her through things I just don't understand, like leg shaving and mustache bleaching and purse carrying.
Thanks to all of you who have donated to the Mother's Day project. It was a cold and snowy day today and I couldn't help but think of all the people out there who don't have a warm home to take shelter in, and how I wish I could help out more.
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