You see, the only good thing about the internet in China are the millions of bootleg movies you can watch for free. Or maybe that's the only bad thing about the internet in China, I guess it depends on how honest of a person you are. So having a Chinese IP address is just bollocks. All the blogs are banned and so is that youtube site. So when I first got here I bought an American IP address so I could boogie board the web (I'm not at surfing status just yet) without any censorship. But it turned out that the address was only good for a month and then you had to pay more money for more months. But I didn't have more money so I had to get a job writing fortune cookie fortunes. They had me working really long hours, so if you get a fortune that reads "brain too ungood to write lucky cookie phrase" and your lucky numbers are "purple monkey dishwasher" I'm really sorry.
A lot has happened since my last post, for example Farrah Fawcett passed away on the worst possible day a celebrity could pass away on: the day Michael Jackson died.
But in opposite news, my husband celebrated his 26th birthday! Since I spent all of my fortune cookie money on my IP address I had to make him a gift with my bare two own hands.
This thing
This thing
His ties were just lying around collecting essence of mushu pork so I decided to make them their own little forbidden city.
China really brings out the genius in me, am I right?
Before 
After 
I know it's a pretty pitiful present but that's what he gets for bringing me to a country that doesn't have an Albertson's right down the street where I can buy him a flashlight and a bucket of neapolitan ice cream like I usually do for his birthday.
Here are very many pictures for those of you who like seeing pictures.
For those who don't like pictures, GET OFF MY BLOG!
After 
I know it's a pretty pitiful present but that's what he gets for bringing me to a country that doesn't have an Albertson's right down the street where I can buy him a flashlight and a bucket of neapolitan ice cream like I usually do for his birthday.
Here are very many pictures for those of you who like seeing pictures.
For those who don't like pictures, GET OFF MY BLOG!
This is at the aquarium, the largest inland aquarium in our solar system. It was very auspicious.
The kids finished all their dried seaweed (that's what Evan's holding in the bottom picture) so they got to eat cotton candy for the first time in their lives while they watched the dolphin show.
June 1st was Children's Day, so Z caught the kids some grasshoppers. That's not a Chinese tradition or anything, Z just really likes grasshoppers.
June 1st was Children's Day, so Z caught the kids some grasshoppers. That's not a Chinese tradition or anything, Z just really likes grasshoppers.
Go ahead and click on the picture. My kids aren't abnormally small, those are just some really big grasshoppers.
This is the same lake the 2008 Summer Olympian Triathletes swam in. It's just down the street from our house.
Kids in puddles in the front yard.
46 more egg rolls till I'm full:
It's great to see your family. I'm sorry about Albertsons not being in China, I scored a bunch with their 10 for 10 sale. Good luck writing those Chinese fortunes.
I LOVE the last set of pictures. How cute are your kids?
Glad to know you are still out there. Take care!
Holy Grasshoppers! Those are huge! I am glad you got an American IP Address so you can still blog:)
I may just have to steal your tie rack idea. My husband's current one is overflowing and your design looks very effective. You should get a patent for it and market it.
you are my favorite blogger in the whole wide world. And it's sort of ironic that you live on the other side of the whole wide world. I got a fortune cookie recently that said "about time I got out of that cookie." Did you write that one? It made me giggle, just like your blog. And all the Albertson's closed near us, so I think I sort of feel your pain.
I have really missed your humor. I will think of you the next time I go into Albertsons, but I don't go there very much because they are expensive.
Loved your pics.
MARY!!!!! So, I am a horrible blog friend. I took your blog off my Reader because you went off the grid, and then you moved to China, and I though we were never going to hear from you again.
Because China is like a whole other place! Glad to see you back. :)
Well, you've convinced me to move to China.
Yay Mary!! I was so happy to see your cute face on my blog!! It looks like you are turning into quite the inventor--I agree with Christa--get a patent and market it!!
Love all of the pictures. The aquarium looks awesome!!
So glad to see you!! Looks like you are doing well in China. Those are some big hoppers. Can't wait to hear more from you!
You are a genius. You have me wanting to make one of your tie racks right away. You should market them.
Those grasshoppers are gigantic. Scary.
Glad you're back!
Nice to see you back and making cryptic comments on my blog (did you mean that people are most likely to watch YouTube videos when the subject is not wearing pants? That does have a certain logic.) I hope the fortune cookie gig keeps you ISP-funded.
I guess when your son outgrows all his shirts he and my son won't have matching Target shirts any more. I'm confused though because your son is wearing the T-Rex shirt in the grasshopper photo and the bug shirt in the lake photo. Wheres the logic in THAT?
forcing your kids into triathlete training at such young ages seems a little harsh.
It looks so beautiful there! How are you coping? It's good to see you out and about in blogdania. yay!
You are such a good mom! Making the kids eat their seaweed before they can have their cotton candy.
And such a good wife! That is an amazing tie rack. I'd steal your idea, but my husband is a five-tie guy. I keep trying to get him to branch out, but alas, no success.
And such a good photographer! Cute, cute. Do you have the world's best camera or are you just really gifted?
Hey! I was just thinking about you a couple of days ago. Nice to see you back. Love all the pictures and I am a big fan of seaweed, so I would have eaten mine too. Those are HUGE grasshoppers. I would have been terrified of them personally.
Puddles and your cute kids? Can I eat your children? They are too, too scrumptious!
I think maybe I've been to that aquarium, but absolutely no one bought me cotton candy, so I don't think I had an authentic international experience. (Are you in Beijing?) You are a serious gift genius. And you're right, it is totally his fault.
So glad you got that IP address AND a nifty birthday gift for your hubby. I'm not even remotely tempted to move to China. But PLEASE tell me that fortune-cookie writing gig is for real! :)
Fun updates! So that explains my last fortune cookie fortune..;)
Hey! Good to see you back again! I never give up on you!
Always good to hear from you. Adorable pictures!
I just realized that if I left that comment alone it seems like spam, but it's not. :)
So glad to know you haven't fallen completely off the planet over there. I collect fortunes from cookies, as it turns out, so I'll keep an eye out for yours!
yay! I'm so glad you're still posting! Love all the pictures! Your kids are so adorable! keep em coming!
You have the cutest kids in all the land. This land or that one. Or all of them combined.
I love Mary.
The tie thing cracked me up because my husband has an enormous amount of ties. I think I'll steal this idea. I don't have Albertsons either.
You're looking pretty good for living upside down on the other side of the world! It was great to hear how you're doing - if you set up a pay-pal account I bet we could all contribute the next $12 just to hear from you again ;>)
Great to see your font, Mary. Looks like you're surviving. Really cool tie rack; holds more than the one we bought for my husband. Your kids look really happy. How about you?
I'm so glad to see you posting again! It looks like you've been having a great time! Those pictures by the lake are stunning, wow I want to go there!!!
My husband's favorite made-up fortune cookie says: The MSG you just ate will kill you while you sleep.
I am new here, but I like your take on things. Cool!
Hi and HAPPY 4th of July!
(Do they have it there?)
DUH....of course they do.
Just not quite like WE do here.
By the way, what did you do today,
I mean yesterday, on the 4th?
The first time with cotton candy? What a travesty! Glad your posting, pictures even.
Your kids are reeeeaaaally brave to hold that giant grasshopper. My kids wouldn't come in the front door while a moth was on the door frame (I told them it was a killer moth). They do however like to catch fireflies - FIREflies!
Obviously China doesn't celebrate the 4th, but don't they make amazing fireworks? And by amazing, I mean, insanely dangerous.
Have you even been looking for Jon Huntsman?
I bet he's stalking you. We all know that you are the real reason that he moved to China.
What do you do with the huge grasshoppers? My kids found an obscene amount of snails in our front yard and raced them up the side of our house. DH was not amused, he kept muttering something about property values and curb appeal............
Glad to see that you are back, we were talking about you at the last blunch. (only good stuff)
I wish I had seen your tie rack invention BEFORE Father's day. My son's 9th birthday is coming up in a few weeks. What could I make for him with a few hangers?
Holy Crap, I love your blogs!!! And that is a wicked cool tie rack, wow!!! If you're craving neapolitan ice cream, I might have an envelope big enough for a scoop or two. Let me know, I'll send it over!
What fun pictures! I'm glad you're back to boogie boarding. I'm trying to ease back to wading, but unfortunately I'm still at full-time surf bum mode.
Glad you and your family are doing well : )
those lake pictures are really pretty! and the background in the puddle pictures looks familiar... were those at Z's parents house?
Looks like even though you've been slaving away you have had time to take your kids out to eat disgusting seaweed and let them almost get eaten by sharks (I saw that).
I'm glad you blogged - and I hope your American IP lasts longer than a month this time - I've missed you!
p.s. Kristina has a million people commenting on her blog and Brittany is getting to adopt a little boy and I'm having a girl - your missing out on lots. :)
I love your pictures, but really want more butt pictures of kids squating in your front yard.
You are so lucky!!!
About damn time....ahem. I mean welcome back. We missed you.
So glad to see you're back! I can't deny though that I was a little miffed to see that you children are wearing whole pants. I thought all children in china were crotchless...
LOVED the tie hanger!! You are so tricky. Keep up the American net!!
Have you found him yet?
The writer of this comment doesn't know I'm here. I totally snuck out tonight. Hey, you up there, Tulsi's comment, wanna get some chicken feet or something? Oh no, I hear him comin'...gotta go.
Jon Huntsman is on his way!! He is resigning from being Gov now and heading out.
Love that tie rack...you are a GENIUS!
Pics are great!!! I've missed you!
We finally raised enough money to be able to open your blog and facebook! Yeah! I guess freedom isn't free.
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